Welcome to Mars

Apr 1

If you are in disability spaces at all, chances are you have come across the poem “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley. Millions of people have shared this poem far and wide and are touched by its perspective on the experience of a parent raising a child with a disability. I’m thrilled that the poem comforted so many people, and I am not naïve in the understanding that my experience is not everyone’s experience. Having said that, this is not a favorite poem of mine. I understand that in 1987 when this poem was written, it represented a dramatic shift in perspective, and I am thankful for that. And, after 37 years, there is more beyond that shift.

There is also a modernized version of “Welcome to Holland” called “Welcome to the Jungle, " another take on the parent perspective.

So, for fun and because it is the first day of Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month, I wrote this rebuttal: a rewrite for the autistic person. I use Mars as an ode to Temple Grandin and the phrase she uses when describing how social interactions feel.

Welcome to Mars

It’s like this... when you’re in your mother’s womb, it’s like imagining the fabulous life on the outside, a tropical paradise. You have listened to the calming sounds of what are surely ocean waves for nine months, and you make wonderful plans. Watching the palms dance with the wind, the feel of sand slipping through your fingertips, brightly colored birds riding invisible swells. You may even bury yourself in firmly packed wet sand for the glorious sensation of total body pressure. It’s all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. Off you go... to the tropics!

Several hours later, you are blinded by a bright light. A pair of cold, latex covered hands yanks you from your warm, safe space and says far too loudly, “Welcome to Mars!” “Mars?!?” you think. “What do you mean Mars?? I signed up for paradise!! I’m supposed to be on a tropical island. For 9 whole months I’ve dreamed of arriving in the tropics.” But there's been a change in your plan, and you hate change! It wasn’t ocean waves on the outside, it was the sound of a spaceship.

You’ve arrived on Mars and there you must stay. The important thing is to remember you haven’t emerged in a horrible place, full of neglect, abuse, or disdain. It’s just a different place, maybe even a nice place. Only there are no guidebooks for this place. You need assistance, but everyone else appears to be getting along fine. The language sounds familiar, but it feels quite different. So much of it isn’t spoken at all, and there are no rules to help you figure out what it means. The Martians seem kind, yet they are unpredictable and preoccupied with getting you to be just like them. They are inexplicably obsessed with staring deep into your eyes, for what purposes you do not understand, so you continue to avoid it. They often change their moods abruptly after conversing with you, but do not explain why.

It's a different place. It's more chaotic than a tropical island, less calming than an ocean breeze. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... You notice Mars has a beautiful view of the stars, and Mars has two moons. Mars even has perfect 70F midday temperatures if you’re in the right location, just like a tropical island. But everyone you know is a proud Martian... and they're all trying to convince you how great it is to be a Martian, and how they just want the best for you, and that means being a Martian too.

And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, but I’m not a Martian. I just ended up here. An anthropologist on Mars." And the difficulty of navigating life with Martians, however lovely they are, might never, ever, ever get easier. Because you are simply not a Martian. You may never understand why they act the way they do or say the things they say. And even when they genuinely try, they may never understand you. You were not born to be a Martian... and no amount of observation or practice is going to change that. And... if you spend your life trying to act like a Martian, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about being you.

-Laurie Williams George